Study: Euthanizing Right-wing Pundits would Solve Global Warming[views:2976][posts:12]_____________________________________ [Nov 19,2005 4:05pm - HailTheLeaf ""] If only... taken from http://www.eyewitnessmuse.com/musings.php?p=163 Study: Euthanizing Right-wing Pundits would Solve Global Warming 10/6/2005 Author says that would be reprehensible, but still a tough call. EWM - (October 6, 2005) The scientific community was stunned today when famed French geophysicist Jacques Revanche published a study that concludes euthanizing right-wing talk show hosts would solve the global warming problem. The report sparked a firestorm of controversy across the nation’s airwaves, even as Revanche sought to downplay its findings. “It’s true that if you wanted to stop global warming, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could euthanize every right-wing talk show host in this country, and the global temperature would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your temperature would go down.” To gather data for the study, Revanche sneaked into talk show studios variously disguised as a plumber, hair stylist and, in the case of Bill O’Reilly, a falafel delivery boy. He then captured air samples in the vicinity of the hosts and subjected them to rigorous testing. The results varied widely. For example, Rush Limbaugh’s breath was found to be the pollution equivalent of an 18-ton garbage truck while Michael Savage’s sample scored just below a battery-powered dildo. The project was not without its setbacks, the data had to be reworked when it was discovered that Fox anchor John Gibson has no cellular activity and was reclassified as “undead.” Upon learning of the study, conservative talking heads went into apoplexy. Sean Hannity became so enraged when co-host Alan Colmes suggested that right-wing punditry was responsible for Hurricane Katrina, he lifted him by the throat and gave him a category five wedgie. But not everyone dismissed the idea. Senator Hillary Clinton suggested that the conservative broadcasters volunteer to be “put down.” In a speech on the Senate floor, Clinton asked, “how much do they love their country? This is an opportunity for a vast right wing conspiracy to save America and the planet. We should reach out to them with our thoughts, prayers and a loaded revolver.” Meanwhile, the Christian evangelical community, which was conspicuously silent after Republican lackey turned talk show host Bill Bennett made similar remarks regarding aborting all black babies, went into full howl in defense of the right-wing pundits. CBN President Pat Robertson went the farthest saying he would get the CIA to “take Revanche out.” Editor’s Note: Please excuse the Muse for reporting fantasy. As a Fairly Unbalanced Journalist, it’s his calling |
| _______________________________________ [Nov 20,2005 1:27pm - hungta‘bleed ""] Global Warming is a fucking sham! Yes, the planet may be getting warmer, but it not caused by humans. There is no scientific proof whatsoever that prooves that it is indeed the results human abuse of this planet, its just a theory. Long before humans were even on the map, this earth has seen several ice ages that have come and gone. This planet had, without the aid of right-wing SUV owners, gone through periods of warming, most noticeably, during those periods where in which the earth has thawed. |
| __________________________________ [Nov 20,2005 2:12pm - pam nli ""] I'm down. Kill em all. I don't care if global warming is real, I just want to be able to get my birth control ten years from now. |
| ___________________________________ [Nov 20,2005 2:21pm - the moor ""] hungta‘bleed said:Global Warming is a fucking sham! Yes, the planet may be getting warmer, but it not caused by humans. There is no scientific proof whatsoever that prooves that it is indeed the results human abuse of this planet, its just a theory. Long before humans were even on the map, this earth has seen several ice ages that have come and gone. This planet had, without the aid of right-wing SUV owners, gone through periods of warming, most noticeably, during those periods where in which the earth has thawed. sure-on a lot larger time scale. never in the history of our planet has teh average global temperature risen this much this fast without incredibly disasterous consequnces. the temp. itself doesnt just matter, its the speed with which it's rising. -THeMoor |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 20,2005 7:02pm - HailTheLeaf ""] yeah, global warming must be a sham...that's why the union of concerned scientists are scared shitless about it...humans are currently responsible for wiping 75 species off of the earth everyday...but that must just be a "theory". christ, do you still think the earth is flat too? ha, rock on Pam nli, I'm all about the birth control, the government can keep it's hands the hell off my body. |
| _______________________________ [Nov 20,2005 9:30pm - Eddie ""] never in the history of our planet has teh average global temperature risen this much this fast without incredibly disasterous consequnces. the temp. itself doesnt just matter, its the speed with which it's rising. i don't understand how anyone could know that... we don't even know how the fucking dinosaurs died. |
| __________________________________ [Nov 21,2005 12:01pm - soloman ""] if you do some serious research on the global warming theory, you'll end up realizing it is just a theory not worth making policy around. |
| __________________________________ [Nov 21,2005 12:36pm - pisscup ""] soloman said:if you do some serious research on the global warming theory, you'll end up realizing it is just a theory not worth making policy around. Aren't most policies based on theories? Should we just sit back and do nothing? |
| _________________________________ [Nov 21,2005 1:24pm - soloman ""] I wasn't making a blanket statement about all theories. this particular theory is not worth making policy around. |
| _______________________________ [Nov 21,2005 3:23pm - Yeti ""] HailTheLeaf said:yeah, global warming must be a sham...that's why the union of concerned scientists are scared shitless about it...humans are currently responsible for wiping 75 species off of the earth everyday...but that must just be a "theory". christ, do you still think the earth is flat too? ha, rock on Pam nli, I'm all about the birth control, the government can keep it's hands the hell off my body. 75 species a day? where do you get your info? Weekly World News? if we were to wipe 75 species off the planet a day, the animal kingdom would have been obliterated a hell of a long time ago. come on, be realistic. |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 21,2005 3:28pm - HailTheLeaf ""] shit, Google it yourself if you don't believe me.. http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=species+rate+of+extinction |
| _______________________________ [Nov 21,2005 3:33pm - Yeti ""] even if it did say 75 species a day, i still wouldnt believe it. thats retarded. with the conservation efforts and animal rights shit today, it has drastically slowed the rate of extinction. watch the Penn and Tellers Bullshit! on all that extinction propaganda. its not nearly as bad as everyone portrays it to be. |
| _____________________________________ [Nov 21,2005 9:31pm - HailTheLeaf ""] yeah, right. 6 billion people can't possibly be destroying everything that quicky...ha. |