The annual "AM I GAY" examination[views:2526][posts:25]___________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 4:27pm - dyingmuse ""] THE ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION >> >> >> >> GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION >> >> >> >> 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are >> gay. It >> means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have >> spent the >> rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah >> diet. >> >> >> >> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, >> but >> gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a >> delicate >> touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just >> think >> about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass >> over >> here, Killer! "Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to >> Daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. >> >> >> >> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such >> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks >> on >> bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs >> feet, >> female erogenous zones or tits. Anything else and you are in training >> to >> suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag. >> >> >> >> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a >> parking >> lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his >> bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. >> >> >> >> 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one >> in the >> poop chute. Coffee is to be hard, strong, black, and full aroma. A >> straight >> man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and >> he will >> never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had >> NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too. >> >> >> >> 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types >> of >> dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A >> real >> man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that >> crap as >> well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, >> NHL, >> college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you >> know >> what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of >> textile >> other than denim, you are faggadocious. >> >> >> >> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying >> to >> tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk >> at a >> slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he >> >> needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold >> his beer, >> or play with his honey in the passenger seat. >> >> >> >> 8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le >> Gay, >> oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a >> woman >> who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by >> yourself >> or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual >> combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too >> much. |
| ____________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 6:14pm - anonymous ""] then theres those doom metal people.... |
| __________________________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 6:17pm - I see you in the closet ""] 9. If you are a HOMOPHOBE, you are secretly GAY. |
| _____________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 6:22pm - Sacreligion ""] crap...i hate taking dumps in public restrooms |
| ___________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 7:10pm - ShadowSD ""] I thought number one was going to be: If you voted for Bush... |
| _________________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 9:08pm - CTborderpatrol ""] i dont shit in public restrooms if they have a layer of dried sticky piss on the floor, which is almost all of em, but i will and have shit in the middle of the woods anyday |
| ___________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 9:11pm - dreadkill ""] i just make a crow's nest if the bathroom is gross |
| __________________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 10:08pm - CTborderpatrol ""] OR i just tend to drop my kenny loggins in the morning right after breakfast and then i dont have to ever use one |
| ___________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 10:10pm - cocaína ""] [img] |
| __________________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 10:10pm - CTborderpatrol ""] yep. thats the turd |
| ____________________________________ [Apr 28,2006 10:11pm - MikePile ""] IF DUDES DICKS FALL INTO YOUR MOUTH YOU MIGHT BE SOME KINDA SOMETHING |
| __________________________________________ [Apr 29,2006 4:32pm - Seedbassist nli ""] Dan....you own a cat........fag |
| ___________________________________ [Apr 30,2006 1:16pm - dyingmuse ""] i do not feag! that's julies damn cat i wish i could have my dog(rottie) here now that's gay, but the dog...ungay! ohh and kyle you are gay for having red hair lol |
| __________________________________ [Apr 30,2006 1:18pm - brian_dc ""] I see you in the closet said:9. If you are a HOMOPHOBE, you are secretly GAY. |
| _____________________________________ [Apr 30,2006 7:05pm - SeedBassist ""] dyingmuse said: ohh and kyle you are gay for having red hair lol I'll keep that in mind next time i sleep with your singer...... |
| ___________________________________ [Apr 30,2006 7:18pm - dreadkill ""] CTborderpatrol said:OR i just tend to drop my kenny loggins in the morning right after breakfast and then i dont have to ever use one i usually drop my kenny loggins as soon as i get up |
| ___________________________________ [Apr 30,2006 8:09pm - dyingmuse ""] she has nothing to do with me man! lol actually when she matures, she will realize that red hair is gay |
| _____________________________________ [Apr 30,2006 8:17pm - SeedBassist ""] dyingmuse said:she has nothing to do with me man! lol actually when she matures, she will realize that red hair is gay haha, well until then I have no choice but to enjoy my current situation |
| ______________________________ [May 1,2006 6:05am - Troll ""] Are you gay if Margaret Thatcher makes you horny? |
| ___________________________________ [May 1,2006 11:24am - ShadowSD ""] In that case you are a cigarette. |
| ___________________________________ [May 1,2006 11:36am - ShadowSD ""] (A fag) |
| ___________________________________ [May 1,2006 11:52am - dreadkill ""] i am getting horny over all this talk about kenny loggins. |
| _____________________________ [May 1,2006 12:34pm - pam ""] I am totally a fag. |
| __________________________________ [May 1,2006 2:57pm - dreadkill ""] pam said:I am totally a fag. you have a large penis. |
| ____________________________ [May 1,2006 3:01pm - pam ""] dreadkill said:pam said:I am totally a fag. you have a large penis. you love every inch of my penis. |
| __________________________________ [May 1,2006 3:06pm - dreadkill ""] indeed i do. |