World history lesson of the day.[views:1082][posts:2]________________________________ [Jun 23,2008 11:10am - Hoser ""] > For those of you who slept through World History 101 here > is a condensed > version. > > Humans originally existed as members of small bands of > nomadic > hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains > during the summer and > would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the > winter. > > The two most important events in all of history were: > > 1. Th e invention of beer, and > 2. The invention of the wheel. > > The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer > to the man. > > These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization > and together were > the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two > distinct subgroups: > > 1. Liberals > 2. Conservatives. > > Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was > the beginning of > agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were > invented yet, so > while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them > to be invented, > they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how > villages were formed. > > Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to > BBQ at night while > they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is > known as the > Conservative movement. > > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting > learned to live off > the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's > and doing the sewing, > fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the > Liberal movement. > > Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. > The rest became > known as girlie-men. > > Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the > domestication of cats, the > invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of > the Hollywood > actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how > to divide all the > meat and beer that conservatives provided. > > Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the > largest, most > powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are > symbolized by the > jackass. > > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but > most prefer white > wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like > their beef well > done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal > fare. Another > interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have > higher > testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, > personal injury > attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group > therapists are > liberals. > > Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and > still provide for > their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo > cowboys, firemen, > lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police > officers, > corporate executives, athletes, golfers, and generally > anyone who works > productively. Conservatives who own companies hir e other > conservatives who > want to work for a living. > > Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the > producers and > decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe > Europeans are more > enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the > liberals remained in > Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They > crept in after the > Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get > more for > nothing. > > Here ends today's lesson in world history. |
| ________________________________ [Jun 23,2008 12:18pm - Hoser ""] Wassa mattah you? Can't read? |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 23,2008 1:04pm - DYA / NLI ""] Cowboy and Indian politics are childishly endearing. They've got the beer = civilization part right, though. |