Confessions of a hampshitster(mark came up with that title)[views:2166][posts:21]_____________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 7:54pm - Dave_Maggot ""] i figure this story would come out eventually. And in retrospect i find it pretty fucking funny. so here it goes. oh, caution! you might laugh, you might cry, you might throw up. So at the beginning of december i went to a birthday party, and completely blacked out. i've been told stories of my actions at said party, by sober members of composted. but i kept flashing in and out of consciousness. i guess i got home around 4:30am, the next morning. i procceeded to have a very vivid dream of shitting all over the place, and being covered in it. all over my hands, face, etc. it was the most fucked up thing i could imagine ever happening. then at 8am i woke up. this was no dream. i had taken a shit in/on the hamper in my room. and on the floor. it was all over my hands, my face, my bed. i jumped out of bed. started freaking out. i closed my door and ran to the shower. i scrubbed and scrubbed but still felt dirty. i ran into my room, cleaned like mad. wasting bottles and bottles of cleaning product. until my hands were bleached. i had to wash everything on my bed. all my clean laundry was sitting out. and it suffered dearly. i felt dirty for the rest of the day. and then i went to see punisher: warzone. it took days for my room to smell normal again. at the time i was horrified. but actually verbalizing it made it hilarious to me. i dont drink as much anymore. haha. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 7:58pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] I am so happy the public now knows of this hillarious misfortune. I am proud of you Dave. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 14,2009 7:58pm - Pires ""] Dave_Maggot said:i dont drink as much anymore. haha. lesson learned i see... |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 7:59pm - Dave_Maggot ""] yes sir |
| _______________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:02pm - Pires ""] haha |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:09pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] When I read the text message, "Keep this between you and me...I shit in my hamper" I nearly died. It was not a good idea to repeat the text to my cousin, who was driving. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:10pm - Dave_Maggot ""] haha |
| _______________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:12pm - Pires ""] MarkFuckingRichards said:When I read the text message, "Keep this between you and me...I shit in my hamper" I nearly died. It was not a good idea to repeat the text to my cousin, who was driving. i could never keep that to myself...no fucking way. someone shits in/on some place obscure, EVERYONE must know about it. |
| __________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:13pm - Archaeon ""] hahaha thats amazing. |
| _____________________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:14pm - MarkFuckingRichards ""] You don't know how many times I've had to tell Dave to let the world know of this. |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:26pm - Dave_Maggot ""] what's funny too, is people usually come in my room thinking its the bathroom when theyre drunk. i usually have to yell "NOOO! THIS ISN'T THE BATHROOM!!" then they leave. but who watches me? who? |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:27pm - FuckIsMySignature ""] haha whooooops. last year i pissed on my parents wall thinking i was still at a golf course. love me some rum. |
| ________________________________________ [Jan 14,2009 8:29pm - DomesticTerror ""] "...i felt dirty for the rest of the day. and then i went to see punisher: warzone." my favorite non sequitur so far this year. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 15,2009 12:51am - MillenialKingdom ""] HAHAHAH, funniest story all year so far. I'm still laughing. |
| ________________________________ [Jan 15,2009 12:56am - dftg ""] I shit in a dryer once but I was sober and it was completely intentional. |
| ___________________________________ [Jan 15,2009 1:09am - narkybark ""] I can now picture someone sitting on a hamper, pants around ankles, reading a magazine. |
| ______________________________ [Jan 15,2009 8:00am - Yeti ""] i know of a girl who went camping, ate mushrooms and shit all over everything while wearing a skirt. Tom can verify. |
| _______________________________ [Jan 15,2009 10:50am - guy ""] wow!!! thats great |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 15,2009 10:59am - ouchdrummer ""] a nameless friend of mine.. narky knows hims... went out drinking with a bunch of people from my work, then stayed at my boss's house after wards because he was WAY too drunk to drive home. My boss lives with his wife (then fiancee). So they were all asleep, my friend in the living room on the couch, my boss and his girl in their room on their bed. My friend wakes up and has to take a leak, so he walks into what he thinks is the bathroom, it's actually my boss's bedroom. He whips out his baguette and starts taking a leak on my boss's best suit (that was left on the floor from going out the night before.) We're talking brooks brothers suit here folks, and of course my boss and his lady start freaking out, not only because said drunkard is pissing all over his suit, but because it looks as if he is about to topple over into the bed with them while pissing. So my boss dives out of bed to push him away, he falls down.. still pissing... and falls asleep on the ground with cock in hand. My boss is not allowed to have friends stay over anymore. |
| ______________________________________ [Jan 15,2009 11:00am - ouchdrummer ""] and yeah, i guess it was bad... but hey, it wasn't shit all over the place! I on the other hand did shit all over the place in my bathroom once after taking a huge hit of DMT. It was "enlightening". |
| _____________________________________ [Jan 15,2009 1:07pm - Dave_Maggot ""] as far as i know, i was naked. . .so i guess shit really does happen when you party naked. |
| ___________________________________________ [Jan 15,2009 1:16pm - FuckIsMySignature ""] Yeti said:i know of a girl who went camping, ate mushrooms and shit all over everything while wearing a skirt. Tom can verify. she shall forever be known as Poopie Pants |