Funniest joke I've heard in a long time....[views:5184][posts:20]________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 12:47am - hoser ""] The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted." |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 3:36am - MyDeadDoll ""] cute |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 1:38pm - Dissector ""] Eh. |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 1:56pm - thornnvine ""] ....shit its pants, puked on the rug and passed out in the bathroom. |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 2:00pm - thornnvine ""] A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know,you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?" |
| _________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 2:25pm - tbone_r ""] hoser: that's the joke i've seen in as long as i can remember. thornvine: that was clever, but a little too predictable |
| _________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 2:26pm - tbone_r ""] the best joke* |
| __________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 2:45pm - succubus ""] someone at work emailed that to me a while ago..i thought i posted it here too i thought it was funny too |
| _____________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 6:37pm - Robdeadskin ""] what is better than winning a gold metal in the special olympics not being retarded....... |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 26,2004 11:37pm - Dissector ""] Those are nothing. Want to hear a real funny joke? Women's rights. HA! |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 10:26am - powerkok ""] what do you get when u string up a 12 year old and gut her onto the floor? a Boner! |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 10:41am - woodsicus ""] How do you make a 5 yr old cry twice? Wipe your dick on her bloody teddy bear |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 11:24am - tbone_r ""] no, the punch line is "wipe your bloody dick on the teddy bear" |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 11:24am - tbone_r ""] her* teddy bear |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 11:35am - powerkok ""] ya, you jerk. |
| ____________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 11:37am - Dissector ""] Whats black and blue and hates anal sex? The 8 year old boy tied up in my trunk. |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 11:41am - powerkok ""] hahahahahahhaha nice one |
| __________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 5:28pm - heimdall ""] whats the difference between a jew and a pizza the pizza doesnt scream when it gets thrown in the oven |
| _________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 5:35pm - CoachZ ""] What's big and sweaty and likes men? My friend Rey |
| _________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 9:29pm - tbone_r ""] hahaha....awesome |
| ___________________________________ [Jun 27,2004 9:58pm - Dissector ""] Who's the greatest jewish cook? Hitler |