RTTP Fighting (me vs Dwyer) official thread.
[views:29550][posts:163]__________________________________
[Feb 13,2009 2:09pm - niccolai ""]
So.
I found a potential place that could host this, one of my dudes is trying to work out a deal.
It's still in the works, but if it goes through, this will be the best place to do it.
I have to work out procuring a ring, but I'm looking for possible cash sponsers that would be willing to set up a table and sell shit in return for fronting me some money to secure the ring, hall, etc.
Even if I haveto get some volunteers to help me build a ring, so be it.
The place has great live sound, and a full bar. They sell food, and can house probably about 1000 people.
I'm shooting for a mid-late summer date.
SO here's how it's gonna go down
I will be booking bands for this, Which will play before the fight.
I would like to get some decent local bands with a good turnout. if you want your 5th grade metalcore band with 4 friends to play, sorry but it won't cut it.
as it's looking like now, since this is a charity event and may be expensive to set up, I WILL PROBABLY NOT BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO PAY BANDS. So if you think you're god's gift to metal and want to send me a message saying you want a 500 dollar garantee, I'm sorry but I don't think I can swing that.
However, you will be able to sell merch, CDs, and I'm not opposed to the idea of kissing booths or full-blown prostitution.
As for the fight details:
If it's happening, it's going to haveto be formal.
As fun as it would be for everyone to find everyone else in parking lots and smash bottles on eachother, I just dont see too much of a point.
It will be a gloved match, with three 5 minute rounds, or five 3 min rounds.
2 minute respite between each round.
I'm thinking 20 bucks a head. (not completely sure yet, i haveto figure costs first)
If i'm going to participate, procedes will be split between RTTP to pay for aarons server and domain expenses and The Outlook to raise awareness of how retarded it is that our culture thinks fighting is the most important thing in the world. (and yes, that means you tardfaces)
Fouls:
1. Butting with the head.
2. Eye gouging of any kind.
3. Biting.
4. Hair pulling.
5. Fish hooking.
6. Groin attacks of any kind.
7. Putting a finger into any orifice or into any cut or laceration on an opponent.
8. Small joint manipulation.
9. Striking to the spine or the back of the head.
10. Striking downward using the point of the elbow.
11. Throat strikes of any kind, including, without limitation, grabbing the trachea.
12. Clawing, pinching or twisting the flesh.
13. Grabbing the clavicle.
14. Kicking the head of a grounded opponent.
15. Kneeing the head of a grounded opponent.
16. Stomping a grounded opponent.
17. Kicking to the kidney with the heel.
18. Spiking an opponent to the canvas on his head or neck.
19. Throwing an opponent out of the ring or fenced area.
20. Holding the shorts or gloves of an opponent.
21. Spitting at an opponent.
22. Engaging in an unsportsmanlike conduct that causes an injury to an opponent.
23. Holding the ropes or the fence.
24. Using abusive language in the ring or fenced area.
25. Attacking an opponent on or during the break.
26. Attacking an opponent who is under the care of the referee.
27. Attacking an opponent after the bell has sounded the end of the period of unarmed combat.
28. Flagrantly disregarding the instructions of the referee.
29. Timidity, including, without limitation, avoiding contact with an opponent, intentionally or consistently dropping the mouthpiece or faking an injury.
30. Interference by the corner.
31. Throwing in the towel during competition.
Ways To Win:
1. Submission by:
Physical tap out.
Verbal tap out.
2. Technical knockout by the referee stopping the contest.
3. Decision via the scorecards, including:
Unanimous decision.
Split decision.
Majority decision.
Draw, including:
Unanimous draw.
Majority draw.
Split draw.
4. Technical decision.
5. Technical draw.
6. Disqualification.
7. Forfeit.
8. No contest.
I will post any and all updates in this thread, I'm welcome to promotion ideas, band ideas, shirt ideas, etc.
[Feb 13,2009 2:15pm - W3 @ work ""]
I got a dime on Dwyer.
[Feb 13,2009 2:20pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
Wanna do three 5 minute rounds, or five 3 min rounds?
[Feb 13,2009 2:30pm - BobNOMAAMRooney ""]
I'll wreck all you faggots, I'm the Fat Fedor.
[Feb 13,2009 2:47pm - W3 @ work ""]
lol i'll fight you jensen but in a pizza and beer gorge to the finish.
[Feb 13,2009 2:48pm - niccolai ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:Wanna do three 5 minute rounds, or five 3 min rounds?
5 3min rounds would be better.
even if we made it through a five minute somehow, we would be too drained. most professional fighters are tired after 5 minutes.
[Feb 13,2009 2:49pm - niccolai ""]
[img]
[Feb 13,2009 2:52pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
SISSYFIGHT OF THE CENTURY
[Feb 13,2009 2:53pm - pam ""]
LOL WUT?
[Feb 13,2009 2:58pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
PEE-WEE AND THE KIWI
[Feb 13,2009 3:00pm - W3 @ work ""]
this site just needs have an all out war in like cage or something everyone who posts on here right now whatever weapon they want but no guns.
ready.
set.
go.
[Feb 13,2009 3:05pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
NOT IN THE FACE!!!
[Feb 13,2009 3:06pm - BobNOMAAMRooney ""]
This fight is useless without Joe Christianni.
[Feb 13,2009 3:31pm - SkinSandwich ""]
Cool. you need to punch the elitism right out of his arrogant head.
[Feb 13,2009 3:36pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
SNOOTY AND THE BEAST
[Feb 13,2009 4:18pm - xmikex ""]
What's the under card to this spectacle? Or is it just 1 fight?
[Feb 13,2009 4:29pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
niccolai said:[img]
Awesome, can't wait dude, gonna be fun!
[Feb 13,2009 4:32pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
xmikex said:What's the under card to this spectacle? Or is it just 1 fight?
We should do:
band 1
an opening fight
band 2
our fight
band 3
That would rule.
"Eye of The Tiger!"
[Feb 13,2009 4:44pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
SHOW ME BLOOD!!
[Feb 13,2009 4:46pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
There will be blood.
I don't just punch things, I punch through them!
[Feb 13,2009 4:57pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
LOL @ my NY Times press credentials
[Feb 13,2009 5:03pm - SkinSandwich ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:There will be blood.
I don't just punch things, I punch through them!
Hit yourself then.:bartmoon:
[Feb 13,2009 5:11pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
I'm putting in my application for ring girl as of NOW.
[Feb 13,2009 5:17pm - My_Dying_Bride ""]
warm-up fight....
[img]
VS.
[img]
[Feb 13,2009 8:50pm - corpus_columbine ""]
My_Dying_Bride said:warm up fight....
[img]
VS.
[img]
i'd leave after the "warm up fight."
[Feb 13,2009 11:48pm - Hater ""]
You are such faggots, just fight like fucking men, or fuck each others ass, or shut the fuck up.
no rounds, gloves, etc faggot shit. Fight on the cement. First guy to sleep loses. The end.
[Feb 13,2009 11:49pm - Hater ""]
God Forbid something really awful happen to Dwyers old fat ass.
[Feb 13,2009 11:51pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
Yar.
[Feb 14,2009 2:01am - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
How do we raise money for The Rev that way?
Nah, we are gonna have a blast doing it our way.
[Feb 14,2009 2:03am - dftg ""]
I'm actually interested in doing this. Who would be a good match to fight me?
[Feb 14,2009 2:17am - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
Josh Staples?
[Feb 14,2009 3:30am - BSV ""]
dude, I fucking listen to Duffy. I don't fight random people in the scene!
[Feb 14,2009 3:58am - W3 nli ""]
i'll fight you gawy, i'm not random.
let's do this shit staples ha
[Feb 14,2009 4:15am - dftg ""]
Josh and I are far from being in the same weight class.
[Feb 14,2009 11:48am - joeyumbrella ""]
zombifying venom wants to play this....
put us on or your a pussy
[Feb 14,2009 12:04pm - archaeon ""]
I'll fight a 12 year old girl.
[Feb 14,2009 4:24pm - xmikex ""]
Is this an MMA fight or a boxing match? I don't like Niccolai's chances at all in a strictly standup match. I see Dwyer just punching over his strikes the whole match, and using his height advantage to control the whole fight. On the flip side I don't see Dwyer having a ton of mobility on the ground, and it would be interesting to see if Niccolai could close the gap and take him down.
Also, may I suggest 3 minute rounds? It's not gonna be worth the price of admission to see both you goons gassing out half way through a round 5 times in a row. 5 rounds, 3 minutes, do it to it.
[Feb 14,2009 4:31pm - xmikex ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:
xmikex said:What's the under card to this spectacle? Or is it just 1 fight?
We should do:
band 1
an opening fight
band 2
our fight
band 3
That would rule.
"Eye of The Tiger!"
That sounds like a cool idea on paper, but realistically if I watch 2 guys beat the crap out of eachother for 20 minutes I'm never gonna have the attention span to sit through a black metal band. There was an MMA event in Braintree like a year ago that tried to do the same thing, and from what I heard all it did was cause confusion.
[Feb 14,2009 4:31pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
Boxing, i am too old for MMA.
[Feb 14,2009 8:53pm - xmikex ""]
Hater said:You are such faggots, just fight like fucking men, or fuck each others ass, or shut the fuck up.
no rounds, gloves, etc faggot shit. Fight on the cement. First guy to sleep loses. The end.
I want your balls in my mouth.
[Feb 15,2009 9:00am - niccolai ""]
Well I pretty much can't box, due to shoulder injuries and the fact that my right foot is incapable of motion.
in order for me to fight, it would kindof haveto be mma.
Is this something I will be able to talk you into dwyer? or are we going to haveto reconstruct the event?
[Feb 15,2009 11:46am - narkybark ""]
I think the fights should consist of nothing but bear hugs.
[Feb 15,2009 11:51am - RustyPS ""]
narkybark said:I think the fights should consist of nothing but Zangief-style wrestling moves.
[img]
[Feb 15,2009 12:46pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
niccolai said:Well I pretty much can't box
Maybe DFTG wants to box me.
And you can MMA with someone else.
[Feb 15,2009 4:28pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
And the waffling begins...
[Feb 15,2009 5:07pm - Conservationist ""]
Hater said:fuck each others ass
FUCK THE ASS OR YOU ARE A PUSSY
[Feb 15,2009 7:17pm - xmikex ""]
One guy can't punch or move his foot, and the other will have a heart attack if he's on the ground.
I don't know how I feel about this main event.
[Feb 15,2009 7:50pm - niccolai ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:
niccolai said:Well I pretty much can't box
Maybe DFTG wants to box me.
And you can MMA with someone else.
You're not too old for MMA. Besides, it will be a boxing match anyway till we're on the ground. then all you'll haveto do is sleep.
[Feb 15,2009 7:56pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
Nope, box me or you are a pussy.
[Feb 15,2009 8:11pm - niccolai ""]
I'll box. till we end up on the ground. Then I'm fighting Maori Mau.
[Feb 15,2009 8:18pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
No ground shit, find someone else that want to roll around with you, not me.
[Feb 15,2009 9:25pm - dftg ""]
I'm totally willing to punch dwyer any day of the week.
[Feb 15,2009 9:34pm - goatcatalyst ""]
I still want to fight Blue with bong rips and side B of Blessed Are The Sick.
[Feb 15,2009 9:50pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:No ground shit, find someone else that want to roll around with you, not me.
Pussy.
[Feb 15,2009 10:32pm - xmikex ""]
haha it doesn't even matter. 2 minutes into the first round this fight is gonna look like the end of Rocky II with both of you collapsing out of sheer exhaustion.
Fight on the fucking ground Dwyer. You're not Lennox Lewis. Nobody boxes anymore.
[Feb 15,2009 10:49pm - goatcatalyst ""]
Let's get to the important part: RING GIRLS...
[Feb 15,2009 10:55pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
Dwyer just sounds lazy as hell. Niccolai would make mince meat of him.
[Feb 15,2009 10:56pm - whiskey_weed_and_women ""]
still got a dime on dwyer if you want to take that bet
[Feb 15,2009 10:59pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
Why, because he's tall? Kick him in the knees and he's done.
[Feb 15,2009 11:01pm - whiskey_weed_and_women ""]
if you're so sure take the bet.
TAKE THE BET OR YOURE A PUSSY.
[Feb 15,2009 11:04pm - niccolai ""]
I honestly have no idea how tall dwyer is.
I just know we're aprox the same weight. I'm 5'10
[Feb 15,2009 11:06pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
I'm about 5' 10" - 11" and I remember Dwyer being at least 2-3 inches taller than me but I could be wrong.
[Feb 15,2009 11:38pm - Beorht-Dana ""]
I'm surprised betting hasn't started yet.
Most people seem to think Niccolai would win. I'll give someone 10 to 1 odds on Dwyer winning. Who wants in?
[Feb 15,2009 11:38pm - whiskey_weed_and_women ""]
Beorht-Dana said:I'm surprised betting hasn't started yet.
Most people seem to think Niccolai would win. I'll give someone 10 to 1 odds on Dwyer winning. Who wants in?
whiskey_weed_and_women said:if you're so sure take the bet.
TAKE THE BET OR YOURE A PUSSY.
[Feb 15,2009 11:45pm - Beorht-Dana ""]
Missed that one.
[Feb 16,2009 12:01am - pam ""]
GROUND AND POUND OR YOU ARE A PUSSY.
[Feb 16,2009 1:24am - The Revealer ""]
That's what she said.
[Feb 16,2009 1:29am - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
pam said:YOU ARE A PUSSY.
Damn right, i am what i eat!
I'm 6'1" and as of today down to 204... 190 is my aim, but we'll see...
Boxing is good enough!
I'm 39 next month, go roll around with guys your age, like you usually do on the weekends.
[Feb 16,2009 1:34am - RichHorror ""]
I miss the Ground Round. Good eats.
[Feb 16,2009 1:54am - sxealex ""]
wtf is that crazy building thats going there?
[Feb 16,2009 10:31am - DestroyYouAlot ""]
Leonardo Leonardo's secret lair.
[Feb 16,2009 11:21am - ouchdrummer ""]
I want in on this... i think i would do some MMA thing with someone. (where my mixed martial arts would be a yellow belt w/one brown stripe in Aiki Ju-Jitsu, and a blue in karate. I think that makes me a combined green belt.. or something... right? I'd really prefer not to know the person i would be fighting though. I can't hit people i like, i would get creamed.
[Feb 16,2009 12:41pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
I've got twenty bucks on absolutely nothing happening. Who wants in on this action?
[Feb 16,2009 12:44pm - W3nli ""]
DestroyYouAlot said:I've got twenty bucks on absolutely nothing happening. Who wants in on this action?
oh shit
[Feb 16,2009 1:19pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
I am inclined to agree that this fight will never happen.
Any takers on what Dwyer will die of in his old age?
[Feb 16,2009 1:32pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
I'm not the one backing down, am I?
[Feb 16,2009 1:33pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
You're refusing to fight on the ground. If you're such in shape these days, why won't you do it?
[Feb 16,2009 2:07pm - scumfuck ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:I'm not the one backing down, am I?
its ok to be scared, everyone gets scared sometimes
[Feb 16,2009 9:56pm - ouchdrummer ""]
lamo. fighting's fun.
[Feb 17,2009 12:12am - xmikex ""]
ouchdrummer said:I want in on this... i think i would do some MMA thing with someone. (where my mixed martial arts would be a yellow belt w/one brown stripe in Aiki Ju-Jitsu, and a blue in karate. I think that makes me a combined green belt.. or something... right? I'd really prefer not to know the person i would be fighting though. I can't hit people i like, i would get creamed.
What discipline karate are we talking here?
If we had someone else with a decent grappling background it might make for a decent fight.
[Feb 17,2009 12:37am - Martins ""]
I'd fight Ouchie. He's a mosh ninja. I'm a first degree blackbelt in a freestyle form of karate. We're pretty much even. Plus, I want to kiss him.
[Feb 17,2009 1:07am - dftg ""]
xmikex said:
ouchdrummer said:I want in on this... i think i would do some MMA thing with someone. (where my mixed martial arts would be a yellow belt w/one brown stripe in Aiki Ju-Jitsu, and a blue in karate. I think that makes me a combined green belt.. or something... right? I'd really prefer not to know the person i would be fighting though. I can't hit people i like, i would get creamed.
What discipline karate are we talking here?
If we had someone else with a decent grappling background it might make for a decent fight.
Where does somebody learn grappling/wrestling/ground fighting?
[Feb 17,2009 1:28am - Martins ""]
There are forms of martial arts that are mostly ground fighting. Personally, I think ground fighting is more devastating. Armbars or wrist locks can end someone's masturbating career.
[Feb 17,2009 1:34am - dftg ""]
that would suck for professional masturbators
[Feb 17,2009 3:02am - douchebag_patrol ""]
[img]
[Feb 17,2009 12:07pm - xmikex ""]
dftg said:
Where does somebody learn grappling/wrestling/ground fighting?
Any decent school that teaches BJJ.
[Feb 17,2009 1:32pm - ouchdrummer ""]
shotokan karate. But i really didn't learn very much. The only reason i would do this is because i've gotten beat up plenty so I really have nothing to lose..... and fightings just fun, who are we kidding here, we're all overgrown little boys who still want to kick the crap outta each other for fun.
[Feb 17,2009 1:33pm - aril ""]
Organized fighting methods are weak and for the weak-minded.
[Feb 17,2009 4:01pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
Pish-tosh. I'll be using this:
BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting Arts
Welcome to the web site of BERZERKER™ VIKING FIGHTING ARTS!
The BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting system is the best, the deadliest and the most brutal combat system ever invented by man. It's the world's ultimate fighting system for military, police, special forces and civilians.
The system - which encompasses both armed and unarmed combat - makes it possible for anyone to handle any kind of combat situation - and always win! In BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting you learn how to defeat anyone, anytime, anywhere, anyhow!
The brutally effective techniques, tactics and strategies in BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting can be used by military personnel, law enforcement officers, anti-terrorist groups, intelligence agents, mixed martial artists, and civilians. Anyone can benefit by training in BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting, whether it's to learn practical street self-defense and combat tactics, or just to supplement your existing, less effective martial arts style.
Among other things, the BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting system includes:
* Unarmed Viking Combatives
* Knife & Projectiles
* Warhammer & Battle Axe
* Sword & Shield
* Staff, Stick, Baton & Spear
* Improvised Weapons
* Viking Battlefield & Raiding Tactics
BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting is without a doubt the most advanced hand-to-hand combat system in the world today. The system is an ancient - but modern - eclectic fighting system utilizing only the best and most effective techniques and fighting strategies employed by the Viking Berzerkers.
The Berzerkers (or Berzerks) were Norse warriors who had sworn allegiance to the god Thor and worked themselves into murderous fury before a battle. Berzerkers fought with crazed or drugged strength, heedless of danger. They worked themselves up into a bloodlust – berzerker rage – before battles, banging their helmets with their weapons, biting their shields, and howling. They were said to be immune to pain (or even immune to weapons) in battle. In their fury they would attack their enemies but also everything else in their path, sometimes even their own people and allies. Many northern kings used berzerkers as part of their army of hirthmen and in their royal bodyguard.
The brutal fighting arts employed by the berzerkers were handed down from father to son through the generations. Unfortunately, after centuries of great warfare and raiding, the berzerker culture started to wane. The berzerkers stayed known as long as they kept their Viking faith, but when they slowly but safely started to become christians, they soon became one with the united, and more peaceful, christian Europe.
However, elements of the old faith and the secret fighting arts remained - and have been kept alive until this very day by a small but dedicated group of extraordinary men. Today, these arts are known as BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting Arts, and they are still being taught to select individuals by the last BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting Supreme Grandmaster and Inheritor of the Horned Helmet, Grandmaster Sven S. Svensson.
"Oh Lord, save us from the rage of the Nordic people" -- Common prayer in the French churches during the Viking Age
[Feb 17,2009 4:02pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
LOL
[Feb 17,2009 4:02pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
AN INTERVIEW WITH THE BERZERKER GRANDMASTER
This is an interview with the last BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting Supreme Grandmaster and Inheritor of the Horned Helmet, Grandmaster Sven S. Svensson. The interview was conducted by Leif "Mad Moose" Svensson in January, 2005.
Leif "Mad Moose" Svensson (LS): Hello, Grandmaster Sven!
Grandmaster Sven S. Svensson (SS): Hello everybody – and Hail Thor!
LS: First of all, thank you so much for letting us interview you! Could you please start by telling us a little about the BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting Arts? What is it exactly?
SS: No problem! BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting is the best combat system in the world! I don't think there's any other martial art or combat system more violent and brutally effective than Viking Fighting. The system comes directly from the ancient Scandinavian Viking Berzerkers and it covers both armed and unarmed fighting. It's a complete system – and it teaches you to win in ANY situation and against ANY opponent!
LS: That sounds great! What are the basic ideas and principles behind the system?
SS: Viking Fighting is basically a very, very violent and very, very dirty style of fighting. The core principles are violence, ruthlessness, surprise, anger, cheating, deception, brutality and pre-emptive action. Everything we do is based on the old Viking saying that "it's better to stand and fight because if you run, you'll only die tired".
LS: OK. What exactly does that mean?
SS: That we don't run... And that we stand and fight. Viking Fighting is 70% attack, 25% counter-attack, and maybe 15% defense. My old father, Thor Svensson, used to say that "defense is what happens when you're about to die". This is very true! The BERZERKER™ mentality is to attack the attacker, kill the killer, mug the mugger, and rape the rapist – so to speak.
LS: So, what categories are taught in the BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting system?
SS: Well, students usually start by learning the warhammer curriculum, because this also teaches you a lot about the principles behind the Viking Fighting Arts. It teaches you the correct body mechanics and the right BERZERKER™ mentality. In parallel with this, you also do a lot of unarmed training, what we usually call "Viking Combatives". You know, punching, kicking, throwing, grappling, breaking bones, biting, headbutting etcetera, etcetera. Later on, you learn how to use knives, blades and throwing weapons, and sticks and swords. And we do a lot of training with improvised weapons. A lot!
LS: Improvised weapons? What is that exactly?
SS: Improvised weapons are common objects that you use as weapons. Golf clubs, pencils, belts, coins, mobile phones, hats, bandanas, chains... You name it. If you knew what I could do to you with a frozen carrot, you'd be very afraid right now.
By the way, I almost forgot to mention that we also study a lot of fight psychology in the BERZERKER™ arts. You know, the psychological aspects of combat, like fear, stress, panic, anger and frenzy. And we also do a lot of training in battlefield and raiding tactics.
LS: Battlefield and raiding tactics? When would that be useful in today's modern world?
SS: All the time! Trust me. Have you never seen a riot or a gang of soccer hooligans at work? Have you never seen a fight between two gangs? And have you never wanted to bring your friends to beat someone up? Raiding tactics is all about beating people up together with your friends. Hmmm... Maybe that came out a little wrong. Hahaha... Well, you know what I mean!
LS: Yes, OK. Speaking of beating people up – you say you can defeat anyone with BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting. Do you really think you can beat any of the professional fighters in the UFC, Pride and K1?
SS: Yes – by Thor! Those guys are just pretty boys in spandex hot pants... They don't know anything about real combat!! In the old days, the berzerkers used to rape guys like that just for fun... I'm joking, but what I really mean is – when was the last time you were attacked by someone dressed in hot pants, wearing leather gloves? And I'm not talking about your wife here! Hahaha...
LS: Well, it hasn't happened yet. So how would you fight a UFC fighter then?
SS: On the street, I'd smash his head in with my warhammer. Or maybe just have my friends surround him and then windmill and stomp him to death.
In a ring, I would cheat. You know – eye gouge, fish hook, hit the throat, bite the groin, stuff like that. A lot of people say that biting doesn't work in combat. Well, ask them again after I've bitten their nuts off! The Vikings used biting a lot – and trust me, it works!
I'd also do a lot of "psychological" stuff. You know – simple mind tricks and "psyching". Fighting him mentally...
LS: You do a lot of training with weapons, like knives, sticks and projectiles. What do you think about the other weapons-based martial arts out there, for example the Filipino fighting systems?
SS: My friend – the only reason the Filipino systems are alive today is because the Vikings never went to the Philippines in the old days. Otherwise they would've been extinct! Don't get me wrong, I've seen some very impressive Filipino stuff out there, but mostly it's just a lot of useless stick twirling! You know, just like those cheerleading girls...
LS: And what about the Japanese styles, such as Ninjutsu or kendo?
SS: Well, the ninjutsu guys I've seen here in Scandinavia probably couldn't even fight their way out of a wet paper bag if their lives depended on it. I like their black pyjamas, though... They look really comfy. Hahaha... But there are some very good ninja guys out there. A very good friend of mine in the United States – we call him "Black Sheep Ninja" – is very, very good! He's also a BERZERKER™ practitioner, by the way.
And what can I say about kendo? Well, nothing good... If I ever get attacked by a screaming guy dressed in a skirt and swinging a bamboo stick, I'll take his head clean off with my warhammer - before he even has time to say "bonsai".
LS: OK. And the Chinese weapon styles?
SS: Man, don't even get me started... The only useful thing invented in China is probably the spring roll. And gunpowder, of course.
LS: You don't seem to think too highly of the other martial arts out there. Is there ANY art – except Viking Fighting – that you actually like?
SS: No, not really... Well, maybe tae kwon do... I like the fact that they’re training so hard to become losers. You know, training how to lose a fight as quickly as possible. That makes it much easier for me, if I ever have to fight one of those clowns. Hahaha...
LS: OK. Could you instead tell us a little about your "modernization" of the Viking Fighting Arts. I'm primarily thinking of your two new courses – the "Tactical Warhammer" and the "Rape the Rapist" course.
SS: Yes. Well, my old father and I have spent a lot of time modernizing the Viking Fighting Arts curriculum – basically adding and updating material for the 21st century. Don't get me wrong, though. Most of the techniques, tactics, strategies and principles in Viking Fighting are timeless. They are the same today as they were in the Viking Age. But some things have changed, obviously. Today we have firearms, we have a police force that can't use "excessive force", we have a need for so-called "rape prevention" etcetera, etcetera. To meet these demands, we had to update and modernize the system and add a couple of new modules to the curriculum. The "Tactical Warhammer" and the "Rape the Rapist" are two of the new modules. "Viking Gun Fighting", "Viking Gun Defense" and "Mug the Mugger" are also new. My father also introduced a "Tactical Spear" course, but, unfortunately, the interest hasn't been that great for that course. It's very good, though.
LS: So tell us a little about the "Tactical Warhammer" module? You’ve been very busy teaching this module at seminars lately. What is it exactly?
SS: The "Tactical Warhammer" curriculum is a modernized version of our warhammer and battle axe curriculum specifically aimed at law enforcement, correctional facilities and the military. It teaches you how to use a warhammer – or a sledgehammer, hammer or even a short golf club – for self-defense and for tactical purposes.
In Viking Fighting we have a saying that "there's no such thing as excessive force". Excessive force is a good thing! But, unfortunately, we can't teach this to law enforcement officers and security guards. Well, at least not here in Sweden... But you should've seen some of the stuff my father taught to the Iraqi Police force in the eighties! Don't tell Amnesty International about it, but that stuff was pretty damned brutal. If the Swedish police force got that kind of training, then we'd have no crime whatsover! Well, anyway, for the more civilized parts of the world, we've designed a "friendlier" version of our warhammer course, where we have limited the amount of force used. It is also specifically designed with law enforcement scenarios in mind. You know, things like riot control, handcuffing, defending against the knife etcetera, etcetera.
LS: OK. That sounds like an awesome course! Well, thank you for letting us talk to you, Grandmaster Sven!
SS: I'd just like to say a few words about our "Rape the Rapist" program too, if I may.
LS: Please do.
SS: The "Rape the Rapist" course is probably the best rape prevention course in the world today. At least I've never seen anything better. It's based on the BERZERKER™ concept to "attack the attacker" – hence the name – and, by Thor, it's pretty damned hardcore! I actually feel sorry for any rapist who'd experience the stuff we teach in this module! You know, we've included a lot of eye gouging, biting, finger breaking, fish hooking in this course. And a lot of improvised weapons too. You know, it's pretty damned difficult to rape someone when your nuts have just been skewered by a pencil... That's a pretty strong turn-off in my world – even for a Viking! Hahaha...
People often say that "to teach knife defense, you must first know how to use a knife". It's the same with rape; to defeat the rapist, you must first learn to think and act like a rapist. And if you know anything about the Vikings you know that they did A LOT of raping and pillaging in the old days. This is, of course, not something we're proud of - but now we've been able to turn this into something good. So, any woman – or man, for that matter – who worries about getting raped, come to our seminars or buy our forthcoming DVD! You'll never be afraid of rape again. You can put that in your Viking pipe and smoke it! Hahaha...
LS: OK. Thank you very much for the interview, Grandmaster Sven! Now we know a little more about the BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting Arts.
SS: Thank you, my BERZERKER™ friend! I hope to see you all at my next seminar! And Hail Thor!
To contact Grandmaster Sven S. Svensson, please mail us!
[Feb 17,2009 4:03pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
LOL @ "Rape the Rapist"
[Feb 17,2009 4:04pm - ouchdrummer ""]
oh my odin.
[Feb 17,2009 5:33pm - Joshtruction ""]
I might be up for an undercard match ;)
EDIT: I am serious about that too. I'd probably be down for it.
[Feb 17,2009 6:37pm - JDDomination ""]
I'd also be up for this. 6'3" about 220. Kinda Chuck Liddell build. I'd probably be more of a wrestler but I can take a hit. Post any developments on this!!
[Feb 17,2009 6:45pm - Joshtruction ""]
I am not sure where I will weigh in for the fight, but right now I am at 255. 6 feet even. Whats your reach JDDomination?
[Feb 17,2009 7:21pm - goatcatalyst ""]
"The only useful thing invented in China is probably the spring roll."
Hail Thor!
[Feb 17,2009 7:49pm - JDDomination ""]
approx. 28" reach. I'm not sure where I should be measuring from. That's end of shoulder to tip of finger.
[Feb 17,2009 7:55pm - Joshtruction ""]
JDDomination said:approx. 28" reach. I'm not sure where I should be measuring from. That's end of shoulder to tip of finger.
spread your arms as far apart as possible and from the tip of your middle finger to the other middle finger across your back. Should probably be somewhere from 65-80. Probably mid to low 70's depending on your build.
[Feb 17,2009 7:59pm - JDDomination ""]
73" thanks for the proper way to measure it
[Feb 17,2009 8:06pm - Joshtruction ""]
I'm at 72.5 very very close
[Feb 17,2009 8:36pm - ouchdrummer ""]
i'm 230 now.
[Feb 17,2009 8:37pm - Joshtruction ""]
I'll be 230 by the event easily!
[Feb 23,2009 5:32pm - niccolai ""]
Do it Dwyer.
Also, the outlook has decided not to sponser the event, so it's looking like procedes go to RTTP unless I find another charity I feel like supporting.
[Feb 23,2009 5:38pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
HOME FOR WAYWARD GIRLS WITH NO GAG REFLEXES
[Feb 23,2009 5:42pm - niccolai ""]
link?
[Feb 23,2009 5:49pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
YES PLEASE
[Feb 23,2009 6:12pm - Pires ""]
Hey ouch, aiki jujitsu is all small joint manipulation right?
[Feb 23,2009 7:27pm - Joshtruction ""]
is this going to be pussy toughman shit or is it getting down MMA style?
[Feb 23,2009 7:32pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
I said I will box someone, no MMA for me.
[Feb 23,2009 7:44pm - Joshtruction ""]
weak...
I'll throw down MMA against someone. We can make it the main event.
[Feb 23,2009 8:32pm - niccolai ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:I said I will box someone, no MMA for me.
Why not? it's not like I fight professionally. you have the same chances as I do, if not more because of your size and reach advantage.
[Feb 23,2009 8:34pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
BR00TAL SLAPFIGHT
[Feb 23,2009 9:23pm - xmikex ""]
Sword fight.
And I don't mean fencing.
[Feb 23,2009 9:24pm - Joshtruction ""]
niccolai said:
AUTOPSY_666 said:I said I will box someone, no MMA for me.
Why not? it's not like I fight professionally. you have the same chances as I do, if not more because of your size and reach advantage.
He is definitely a larger human than you.
[Feb 23,2009 9:26pm - Typical Liberal Douchebag ""]
Primitive, sweaty, blue-collar men fight. I work in a cubicle with girls who are attractive and not fat, if you squint. While you primitive brutes change the tyres on my car. Are you ashamed to be ignorant yet?
[Feb 23,2009 9:41pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
CHEERIO, TUT TUT, AND WHATNOT. SCALAWAG.
[Feb 23,2009 10:17pm - ouchdrummer ""]
Pires said:Hey ouch, aiki jujitsu is all small joint manipulation right?
yup.
[Feb 23,2009 10:38pm - Typical Liberal Douchebag ""]
Violence is the last refuge of the encapsulated mind. - Thich Naht Han
[Feb 23,2009 11:05pm - Joshtruction ""]
Typical%20Liberal%20Douchebag said:Violence is the last refuge of the encapsulated mind. - Thich Naht Han
Bitching about it is doing more damage than the actual fighting is. THe fighting actually raises money for a good cause, while you just suck up the oxygen our fighters could be breathing. Douchebag.
[Feb 23,2009 11:06pm - atthehauntedNLI ""]
Is this a cock fight?
[Feb 23,2009 11:30pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
Joshtruction said:He is definitely a larger human than you.
[img]
Down to 205!
[Feb 23,2009 11:52pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
No fair, Dwyer's got 3 arms.
[Feb 24,2009 12:11am - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
3 legs too!
[Feb 24,2009 12:19am - Martins ""]
2 of them are penises
[Feb 24,2009 12:53am - DestroyYouAlot ""]
LOL
[Feb 24,2009 1:15am - Joshtruction ""]
205 or not, you're still way bigger than niccolai. Your size is a major weapon against him.
[Feb 24,2009 1:18am - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
I said boxing, get someone else to roll around with, not me.
[Feb 24,2009 1:25am - Joshtruction ""]
What about kick boxing?
[Feb 24,2009 12:37pm - enter in a fake name if you want ""]
Who the fuck boxes?
Grow a pair Dwyer.
[Feb 24,2009 12:56pm - MikeofdecrepitudE ""]
[img]
[Feb 24,2009 1:04pm - Yeti ""]
niccolai said:
AUTOPSY_666 said:I said I will box someone, no MMA for me.
Why not? it's not like I fight professionally. you have the same chances as I do, if not more because of your size and reach advantage.
your chances are much lower, Dwyer used to bare knuckle box Iguanadons for berries.
[Feb 24,2009 2:05pm - xmikex ""]
[img]
[Feb 24,2009 2:12pm - ouchdrummer ""]
MMA is the only real way to fight. Boxing is a sport, MMA is fighting.
[Feb 24,2009 2:17pm - xmikex ""]
Alright, let's not get carried away here. MMA is doing a pretty good job keeping boxing's popularity down, and probably for good reason. But a well fought boxing match is still a sight to behold. If Floyd Mayweather is fighting on the same night as Josh Kosheck who are you gonna watch?
MMA is a lot more entertaining, and arguably more demanding than boxing, but it also opens the doors for a lot of bums, posers, and meatheads to waltz right into the sport.
[Feb 24,2009 2:18pm - ouchdrummer ""]
yup, which is why i would do it. I would die if i tried to box. Small joint manipulation doesn't count for much in boxing.
[Feb 24,2009 3:34pm - Yeti ""]
that's what i hate about MMA, the fucking meatheads everywhere that took a week of training and walk around like they can fight the world. boxing is more entertaining to me, i'd rather watch two guys beat each others fucking faces in than grapple on the ground. i understand the physical demand, its just not entertaining to me.
[Feb 24,2009 3:37pm - sacreligion ""]
as boring as mma may be, i could watch uriah faber beat someone's ass all day long.
most boxing is now two tired dudes stumbling around hugging each other for 2 minutes of every round, anyhow.
[Feb 24,2009 3:43pm - xmikex ""]
sacreligion said:
most boxing is now two tired dudes stumbling around hugging each other for 2 minutes of every round, anyhow.
Or one old tired dude getting beat on relentlessly by a way younger dude i.e. joe calzaghe v. roy jones jr.
[Feb 24,2009 3:47pm - xmikex ""]
Yeti said:that's what i hate about MMA, the fucking meatheads everywhere that took a week of training and walk around like they can fight the world.
The last couple seasons of the Ultimate Fighter there have been guys who have almost no training that compete for a spot on that show. It's such a part of pop-culture now that every asshole with a gold's gym membership and a tapout shirt thinks they can take on GSP because they wrestled in high school. Way more often than not though, those kinds of guys show up to train for a couple weeks, see how difficult it is, and never come back. It's the old adage "everybody wants to be a fighter, nobody wants to train like one."
[Feb 24,2009 3:59pm - DestroyYouAlot ""]
LOL @ NICC TYSON
[Feb 24,2009 4:43pm - ouchdrummer ""]
i guarantee a match with me involved will NOT be boring... take that as you will.
[Feb 24,2009 5:31pm - Joshtruction ""]
I prefer MMA over boxing just because of the mental game. In boxing all you do is box. MMA you can come out, box, and it might not be working out. From there you might try to take someone down, or work the clinch. You mentally have to be ready to make those transitions, and to defend them transitions. You can't hesitate for a split second or ou are throwing your self in jeopardy. If someone double leg shoots on you, and you go down, you NEED to be ready to pull gaurd ASAP or better pray you have a damn good scramble.
Something goes bad in boxing... well you hug.
[Feb 24,2009 5:57pm - FuckIsMySignature ""]
FIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT KIND OF FIGHTING YOU WILL FIGHT WITH.
FIGHT!
[Feb 24,2009 9:56pm - xmikex ""]
Joshtruction said:I prefer MMA over boxing just because of the mental game. In boxing all you do is box. MMA you can come out, box, and it might not be working out. From there you might try to take someone down, or work the clinch. You mentally have to be ready to make those transitions, and to defend them transitions. You can't hesitate for a split second or ou are throwing your self in jeopardy. If someone double leg shoots on you, and you go down, you NEED to be ready to pull gaurd ASAP or better pray you have a damn good scramble.
Something goes bad in boxing... well you hug.
Yeah, but the takedown aspect of MMA leaves the door wide open for wrestlers with no striking ability to take a guy down, lay on him for 3 rounds and walk away with a win. It also opens the door for the always yawn-worthy epic ground battle where round after round one guy takes the other down 10 seconds into the round and they spend the rest of the round setting up and defending one measly submission attempt.
IMO:
Muay Thai > Standup oriented MMA > Boxing > Boring meatbag MMA > K1 Faggot Kickboxing
[Feb 24,2009 10:19pm - Joshtruction ""]
I kind of see your point, but thats not the sport. Thats just some meatheads. Them are the type of fighters that should be on local shows. If people like that were fighting people with a SOLID ground game chances are they are going to tap. I love when someone is a complete animal from their gaurd and just work transition to transition. Just when some idiot trys to scramble away he is in an ankle lock or knee bar. When you have the right fighters fighting it IS the best fighting you can watch in my opinion.
ANY fight can be boring if the wrong people are in the ring. Chances are MMA will have less boring fights than boxing. Yes... Muay Thai is sick. Much respect there.
[Feb 24,2009 10:32pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:
We should do:
band 1
an opening fight
band 2
our fight
band 3
That would rule.
Do whatever with other fights I will box someone and knock them out.
[Feb 24,2009 10:35pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
Pusssaayyyy
[Feb 24,2009 10:43pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
You are what you eat.
[Feb 24,2009 10:59pm - MillenialKingdom ""]
Damn, I must be a Quiznos sub because that's the last thing I ate.
[Feb 24,2009 11:52pm - AUTOPSY_666 ""]
Shit on a shingle... makes sense to me, FaggoGay.
[Feb 25,2009 12:52am - niccolai ""]
AUTOPSY_666 said:You are what you eat.
I can only assume that until this theory is proven through science, that it is bull-pucky.
[Feb 25,2009 1:00am - xmikex ""]
MillenialKingdom said:Damn, I must be a Quiznos sub because that's the last thing I ate.
WEEEE LOVE DEEEZ SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBS
[Feb 25,2009 1:01am - xmikex ""]
ouchdrummer said:i guarantee a match with me involved will NOT be boring... take that as you will.
I'll take that as you're planning some Brother Love-esque theatrics.
[Feb 25,2009 6:33am - Joshtruction ""]
hahahahahahaha brother love rules!
[Feb 25,2009 7:43am - W3 @ work ""]
this went down hill real quick.
[Feb 25,2009 8:25am - ouchdrummer ""]
no theatrics, just entertaining business
[Feb 25,2009 11:23am - xmikex ""]
Hey here's an idea....
don't tell Dwyer it's an MMA match until he's on his back.
[Feb 25,2009 11:39am - niccolai ""]
xmikex said:
ouchdrummer said:i guarantee a match with me involved will NOT be boring... take that as you will.
I'll take that as you're planning some Brother Love-esque theatrics.
That's s0o0o bromantic.
[Feb 25,2009 11:40am - niccolai ""]
xmikex said:Hey here's an idea....
don't tell Dwyer it's an MMA match until he's on his back.
Good idea.
Dwyer, this will NOT be an MMA match.
[Feb 25,2009 12:02pm - SkinSandwich ""]
None of this will ever happen.
[Feb 25,2009 12:31pm - Typical Liberal Emobag ""]
You sad Neanderthals, deciding your futures by such arbitrary and regressive methods. Why not have a snark-off instead, to see who has the wittiest put-down? That's how the last election was won.
[Nov 26,2011 1:07pm - instant gator ""]
niccolai said:
xmikex said:Hey here's an idea....
don't tell Dwyer it's an MMA match until he's on his back.
Good idea.
Dwyer, this will NOT be an MMA match.
dude dwyer, if someone talked to me like that id fuck em up, just sayin. kick his ass bro!
[img]
[Nov 26,2011 1:21pm - niccolaiiii ""]
I would gogoplata that crocodile into the abyss